Lite-n-Tite

The intercom pinged. “Good afternoon everyone, we apologise for the turbulence. We remind you that the seat-belt sign is still on so please avoid moving around the cabin until you are advised to do so. At this time, we would also like to ask…”

There came an awkward pause.

From his seat in Row 3, Hank could see the flight attendants whispering to each other. The whispering was becoming increasingly animated.

The intercom pinged again. “At this time, we would also like to ask if there is anyone on board with any… uh… tools… in their cabin baggage… to please make themselves known to the in-flight team immediately.”

A murmur of unease ran through the passengers. This was not what Hank wanted to hear. Hank hated flying.

The old woman in the window seat of Row 3 leaned forward. The man between the old woman and Hank was fast asleep. He was a large man. The old woman had to lean forward quite some way.

“What do you think that was all about?” she hissed.

Hank was trying not to think about it at all. He forced a smile. “It’s probably nothing.” Hank turned back and continued staring at the image of their flight path in the seat-back screen in front of him. He watched their time to arrival tick down another minute.

The intercom pinged. “Once again, if anyone on board has any tools… specifically any form of… uh… strong clamp… please could they make themselves known immediately.”

The old woman leaned forward again. “That really doesn’t sound good!” Hank tried to give her what he intended to be an insouciant shrug. But Hank could feel his blood pressure starting to rise.

The flight attendants were walking up and down, really quite briskly. They were smiling very broadly. Almost too broadly. Fixed, broad smiles on their faces as they briskly walked up and down, imploring any clamp-wielding passenger to come forward.

As it happened, Hank did have a clamp in his cabin baggage. Hank was a Senior Customer Representative for a large tool company, a company who claimed to have developed “revolutionary” new compounds for a range of light-weight, ultra-strong, polymer-based clamps and vices. Hank’s job was to fly around the country, visiting various local and regional suppliers, convincing them that the Lite-n-Tite range really could offer “market leading” gripping force, “unprecedented” strength-to-weight ratio, with “no compromise” on reliability, durability or long-term performance. Hank had the whole range in the case in the overhead locker.

Hank raised his hand. He waved at the passing flight attendant. She rushed over, almost in a run.

"Good afternoon sir," she smiled, still the same very fixed, very broad, wide-eyed smile. "Do you happen to have a strong clamp in your cabin baggage?"

Hank explained the situation. The flight attendant retrieved his case from the overhead locker. He opened it on his lap. The old woman in the window seat leaned forward to see what was going on.

"Which one do you want?" said Hank. There were eight different products in the Lite-n-Tite range, offering solutions for "every conceivable grip-based scenario."

"Whichever one is strongest," smiled the flight attendant, eyes still wide.

Hank handed her the TiteMaxUltra. She inspected the rigid plastic. She was struggling to keep that smile in place. "Could you... could you just come with me, sir. Thank you."

Hank unbuckled his seatbelt and got up. "What's going on?" hissed the old woman. "Why does she need that? Are we in danger?"

Hank tried to give her a reassuring shrug and then followed the flight attendant down the cabin. They went through the curtain, into the area immediately next to the cockpit. There were two other flight attendants there, both with just the widest eyes that Hank had ever seen. They stared at the TiteMaxUltra. Neither of them tried to smile.

The first flight attendant lifted the clamp and spoke to Hank in a low whisper. "Are you sure... I mean... 100% sure that this clamp is... really strong?"

Hank hesitated. "Well that depends. What is it going to be used for?"

The first flight attendant looked at the other two. "We can't say. But we just need it to be, really, really strong."

Hank stared at the TiteMaxUltra. It was definitely the top of the range product. But looking at it now, it did seem a little flimsy. Corporate had insisted that all issues with brittleness and weak points had been "a one-off manufacturing anomaly" and that "no further shattering events were foreseen" with the updated range. Hank had had to explain this to every customer he met for the past four months.

The flight attendants hand was now shaking. "We just... we just really need it to be strong. Because at the moment... at the moment, the pilot is able to just about... for now... but he might not be able to... you know... for much longer... but if... if we were to use this instead, and the pilot were to stop, and then this clamp were to break, then, well... well... we'd all... well..."

Hank understood. He looked at the TiteMaxUltra. He looked at the flight attendant's eyes. Hank hated flying.